Living Life with a Longing Heart

 Lately I have been struggling... I have been struggling with huge insecurities in my life, struggling with guilt, struggling with my worth... Struggling with pain and not having answers with my health. Struggling with finishing school. Struggling with people pleasing and so many other things. There are things that run through my mind constantly. To be honest, I am just exhausted! I am tired of school, dealing with constant health complications, dealing of peoples thoughts and feelings towards me, etc. To add onto that, my depression, anxiety, and the COVID situation does not help with any of this. Some days it just feels so hard to continue to push forward and do my best with things. I am constantly discouraged even when I am trying my best at whatever it is.  I am not sharing all of this for people to feel bad for me or anything. But I am sharing this for prayers, for encouragement, to vent, and to show that if you are going through things... You are not alone. It sucks when you see

Hey everyone, I hope you all are doing alright during this self-distancing and quarantine. Man has this been a strange few weeks... I cannot really even believe this all is happening. Sometimes it feels like I am in a very long dream. It seems like every hour rules were changing and everything has been very crazy. People have been getting sick... People are losing jobs all around the world... People are dying... People are coming to know God through this... People are freaking out... People are hoarding... People are getting to stay home and rest... Honestly lots of good and bad things are happening in our world right now due to COVID-19. To be completely honest, it is so crazy to see that our whole world is all going through the same thing... Normally it is not everyone going through similar things and now we get to all experience similar things together. Let's count this as a huge blessing through this time though, we are all able to sympathize in one way or another because we

Hey there friends! I am so sorry that it has been awhile since I have posted. Life has been insanely crazy lately. I have a lot of new content ideas that I want to add to my blog, so that is in the making right now. For now, I am going to share a little life update. Enjoy! At the end of September, I lost my best friend in my life. That hurt like heck and has been something that even now I am still healing from. It is a real thing that is taking a lot longer to get over than I thought it would take.  At the beginning of October, I started another round of Chemo for my Kidney disease and that lasted all month.  In the middle of October, I met an amazing man on an online dating site (YES, I did say that... That will be talked about more in another blog post.) At the beginning of November, I got hired at a Christian Preschool and have been working there since. Continually just doing my best there and loving the teacher life to young ones.  December flew by and was crazy busy with h

The last year that I have been going through some really huge trails in my life... I have been pushing God away. I have been running away from Him. I felt so much silence from God even when I tried going to Him. I felt that maybe God did not care... So I stopped reaching out to God. I quite literally stiff armed God and kept Him at a very far distance. I went down a road of sin and just did not want to do anything with a God that felt silent. After months of not going to church, I went back... But did not really pay attention. I just went and put a thick mask on.  The last few weeks, I have realized that I was missing something. My life just did not feel right continually pushing God out of my life. I was having this longing heart to cling to my Father in Heaven, however I felt very lost and confused. I started asking some close friends questions about recommitting to God. And I expressed to them why I was scared and that I wanted God, but felt scared because of some doubting. 

The last few days I had somethings happen that made me remember the hurt that I experienced from other people. I thought that I had moved on from the people that hurt me really bad the last few years... But then the last couple of days, I have been reminded that I am still not over the hurt. It has been very painful to remember the relatives that I have been hurt by and the friendships that I have been hurt by. It is hard when people spread rumors about you to other friends... It is hard when people do not care how others treat you... It is hard to live day to day with these people's voices in my head. I know that I should not let them control me, because they really do not know the real me. But it is for sure a hard thing to deal with and move on from. A few things that I have learned through this process is: 1. Even if someone is your relative, that does not mean that they will for sure be there for you and stick up for you. They may not care to realize that you are hurting.

This song is by, For King and Country... However, this cover is by The Cimorelli's. I love listening to their music. This song has been playing on repeat for the last few days though and has been a huge encouragement to me. Yes, there are other people who have been there for me as I have been going through a lot of things. However, God is the only one that will never fail you. He will always be there, even when others may be busy with other things. God is there through every thing that you go through. This is such a great encouragement to remember how powerful and amazing God is. Trust Him! Surrender your life to Him! He is there for you constantly and will never ever fail you.