Living Life with a Longing Heart

I know 2015 is coming to a close, so I thought that I would look back... The other day I realized that 2016 is just a few days away. My first thought about New Years was: 'Man, I had a rough New Years this past year.' Then all of a sudden I realized, 'Yes, I had a rough time this past New Years... But the Lord has grown me through so much this year. Therefore, I need to be thankful for where I am at this coming year. And continually grow in other ways in my life.'  I have gone through: Being bullied, having miscommunication with some relationships, tough times in school, taking on some peoples burdens, boy drama, being bitter and hurt towards some people in my life, depression, anxiety, health issues,and so much more. But you know what, I now look back reflecting on the hard times I have gone through this year, and I rejoice at the amazing love and care from my Heavenly Father. I have grown so much this year and have grown so much closer to my Lord and Savior. I have...

I have struggled with anxiety for almost five years now. But the past 12 days straight have been the worst. As I have been going through anxiety with school, germs, relationships, schedules, and changes... It has been really difficult. My first response to all of this anxiety was, "Why me? Why do these struggles have to happen with me? Have I done something wrong to deserve this terrible pain and anxiety?" Anyways, I continued to struggle the past 5 years. But then I was convicted and had to change my attitude. I prayed and continually went to the Lord, and I finally realized that. If this is the one huge struggle I go through in life. I would be willing to go through it and glorify my King no matter what it means. I would love to be able to minister to others that in the future struggle with anxiety like I do. Lately, even though I still continually struggle with anxiety. At least I am reminded that my King is always here for me and I can trust in Him even through hard t...

Lately, I have been going through a ton of changes in my life: My brother left to college, I stopped an awesome class I loved, a good friend of mine moved out of state for college, going through some relationship problems, and so many other changes going on. My first reaction to all this going on was: ' How can all of this end? I want all these changes to go back to how they were, etc.' I really struggled with these changes and challenges. I cried a ton, hated everything going on, wanted time to just go back a couple years. Finally I was convicted by a couple people in my life that this is just how life is. Yes, changes and challenges are hard... But through it all, God is with us and has amazing plans ahead. Through all of this, He has been teaching me a ton. A few things that He has taught me is listed below: When I start going to college, I need to be aware of my family. I need to love and pay attention to them, even through my busy schedule... Because they are going ...

When I was younger, I was always wanting boys attention, talked about my new and recent crushes, or talked about different guys being cute or "hot". Never once did I go a day without thinking about this stuff. I worried all the time about what boys thought of me, but hardly ever thought about what God thought of me.  The beginning of this past summer, I was convicted on this area of my life. I dug so far down the pit, that the only thing I was really caring about was what others (ESPECIALLY what guys) thought of me. It was very unhealthy, and it became a huge idol in my life.  I was confused and didn't even know where to start... I continually pray about it, and thought, "Man, I really need to change. This is not at all satisfying. All I am doing is worrying about my relationships and thoughts about guys. This is extremely unhealthy, and I need ONLY worry about what my Heavenly Father thinks about me." I was convicted that the only approval I needed right n...

I have been reading an amazing book called, Side by Side by: Edward T. Welch. It has been an amazing book that has encouraged me. But one of my favorite chapter is a chapter called: Have Compassion during Trouble. It gave me a new insight and I thought I would share the chapter with you too. I hope you enjoy Edward T. Welch's words. :) Have Compassion during Trouble "We move toward others. We greet them We have short but meaningful conversations.  We gradually discover what is important to them. We being to pray for them. We see the good. We like them. We enjoy them.  WE have longer conversations.  We continue to pray for them.  Those ordinary steps are reminders of how to be a friend rather than  profound insights about helping. We all can do them. They are east and ordinary. The risk is that their very ordinariness might cause us to judge them as second-rate ways to care for one another. But the truth is that following these steps is powerful...

So the last few months, I have realized that I have been being either used, played on, or been treated like a little kid. People please stop assuming and listen fully to other peoples situation before making assumptions. Don't be treating people as they are worthless, don't be treating people as if they are lower than you. I am sick and tired of how people are treating me this way, and it breaks my heart to see others going through the same thing. In my own life, I have been used by people, and then they act like everything is alright. When really, I feel heart broken. People need to be more sensitive to others hurts. Stop assuming that you know the person. A lot of people in my life, even close relationships, think they know me really well and know how to deal with me. When really, they don't. Stop assuming, and try actually working on growing closer to the person. Right now, I am extremely hurt that people get used... It is one of the worst feelings in the world. I fe...