Continuing to Strive for the Best

The last few days I have been praying about whether or not to delete my last post on my blog. I realized that I was/have been struggling with my relationship with God. However, I came to the conclusion that I should keep my last post up. Yes, it is very blunt and honest... Yes, I was very confused and hurting... Though the whole thing happened and it has been really real. I am sharing this stuff with everyone so that you know that I am just going to be honest even when it hurts. I am going to be real and open with everyone. 

Some people don't like when people are honest when they are struggling... However I personally think it is a good trait to have even though sometimes there is a negative effect. 

Here is a little update... Even though I didn't straight up say it on my blog or to someone, this is what was going on:

The past couple months, there has been nothing but trial after trial hitting me. To be completely honest, that has been really rough for me. I was praying and trying to see God... But I felt that God was ignoring me and not wanting to be here for me. 

I got to the point that I got very angry and frustrated at God. I begin to only go to church to just check it off my list (and so my family and friends did not realize what was going on). I stopped reading my Bible completely, stopped praying, pushed people away in my life... And honestly, just completely stopped trusting God. 

I thought that if God really cared for me and loved me He would give me some sort of answers. I became very angry, impatient, and bitter towards anyone and that God very frustrating. 

After isolating and realizing that I have dug deeper into my temptations that I had... It only made things worse and made me very angry. 

This past week, God really opened my eyes. I realized that only digging further into temptations have gotten me into a dungeon where I felt like I couldn't escape from the temptations. 

After many hours of talks/encouragement/prayers I have realized that God's Word is true and I need to live by what I believe and how I act. 

With that said, I have decided to recommit myself back to God. It is definitely hard and discouraging at times when we feel like God isn't answering... But really, He is always there. 

Even when I feel that God is ignoring me and all of that, I just need to remind myself of His truths and know that He has the best plan for me regardless of whatever it is. God's Word tells us to: Trust God, God will never leave or forsake us, Be strong, Courageous, and not afraid (there is a lot of other truths that God has set before us about us and Himself). 

Today, I want to be close to God, I want to trust Him and know He has a plan for my life even when I don't see it.