Living Life with a Longing Heart

As I sit here in tears laying in my bed I am pondering life. Constantly wondering when this emotional, mental, and physical pain is going to be over... It is constantly hurting. Some days I just get tired of holding the pain in. I want to be able to share it with someone and not feel like I am doing it completely alone. Most days, I get scared sharing with my closest friends... But then I have to remind myself that they are here for me and are going to be here to point me to Christ and be a shoulder to cry on. Yes, I am tired of this hurt. I am tired of always pretending that my life is fine when in reality it is not okay. Daily, I find myself clinging and leaning on God. Because I am reminded that God is always here for me even when my family has failed me or even when I feel like I am going through this pain alone.  Some days I want to be able to use my voice to share with others what is going on... But then I clam up and believe that people will just not believe me. It ...

On April 28th 2019 (almost three weeks ago), God had put a hardship in my life that hit all of a sudden. On the way to church that morning, I was driving with one of my best friend's and my younger brother. As we were on our way, we saw our friend and he had gotten into a terrible motorcycle accident right in front of our eyes. When the accident happened, I quickly had anxiety and tears flowed down my face as my whole body was shaking. After my younger brother guided me through pulling over to the side of the road to make sure our friend was, I hopped out of the car running into the middle of the street to see if  my friend was okay.  Many others stopped to make sure he was okay. The whole time I was on the scene my friend was unconscious... I had literally thought that I lost my friend right at that scene. After his family and the emergency response team was there, I left the scene with my friend and we headed into church. During worship, the whole time I was shaking,...