A few weeks ago I was supposed to find out my second treatment for my Kidney Disease that I have. After many Dr. appointments and continually waiting... I was starting to get really frustrated. Today, I started losing hope and I was getting really frustrated that I have been put on one of my treatments and not the other one that is supposed to work with the first treatment. I was getting down and discouraged for not having answers. Then I was continually reminded of a sermon that I listened to a month or two ago from one of my Pastor's. He was talking about how God only gives us the details that we need right now. If we knew everything that God had planned, then we would not want to go on this long journey... So we need to continually thank God for the details He has only provided for now. As I was continuing through my day working and doing homework... I became really discouraged again. I reached out to my birth brother from Oklahoma and a few friends to ask for prayer for pat...
This song called, Broken is extremely encouraging and has been a huge encouragement to me. The lyrics are extremely powerful. Honestly this song is exactly how I feel currently. Literally I feel like I am barely holding on... But I keep reminding myself that God has a purpose for me even if I don't see it right now... I just need to keep remembering that God has some sort of plan, even if I don't feel that way.
Life has been insanely crazy! I am constantly just trying to get a breath of fresh air, but then I am constantly drowning in something else. With health issues, working 4-5 days a week, school, relationships, etc... I feel like I am barely able to keep up. I just thought that I would update everyone! -since I have been on my first treatment, I have not had any kidney pain at all, I have not been waking up each morning sick, and I have more energy. However, with this treatment I have gained a ton of weight that I lost in the Summer, I have been depressed more, and emotionally I have been a wreck. It has been really difficult... Everywhere I go, I feel like I am being judged or looked down on for my body image. I feel like I look ugly, I feel disgusting knowing that I have gained weight, etc. Honestly, the struggle is real... I have been finding myself not wanting to go out with people I know. I am terrified to go out with friends, because I feel like others look down on me...
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