Living Life with a Longing Heart

Some mornings I wake up completely frustrated and asking myself these questions: When these health issues will get better? When my life will slow down and I will not be so stressed? When will people not set such high expectations for me? When will I feel that I am not a failure? So many questions constantly roaming through my head and me feeling like I can never be good enough. Honestly, it has been a really rough few months. Waiting for Drs. to figure out what is wrong with me, people getting frustrated at me and telling me that I am not doing good enough, people telling me that I am ugly and not worth being a friend. School gets super busy and overwhelming, people calling me a failure, pretty much living in pain constantly with my disease, and so many other things. It has been a very difficult journey. Some days I just want this pain to disappear and then friends have to continually remind me that God has a plan for it. If we are being honest, even when people tell me that God has ...

A few weeks ago I was supposed to find out my second treatment for my Kidney Disease that I have. After many Dr. appointments and continually waiting... I was starting to get really frustrated. Today, I started losing hope and I was getting really frustrated that I have been put on one of my treatments and not the other one that is supposed to work with the first treatment. I was getting down and discouraged for not having answers. Then I was continually reminded of a sermon that I listened to a month or two ago from one of my Pastor's. He was talking about how God only gives us the details that we need right now. If we knew everything that God had planned, then we would not want to go on this long journey... So we need to continually thank God for the details He has only provided for now.  As I was continuing through my day working and doing homework... I became really discouraged again. I reached out to my birth brother from Oklahoma and a few friends to ask for prayer for pat...