Living Life with a Longing Heart

The last year that I have been going through some really huge trails in my life... I have been pushing God away. I have been running away from Him. I felt so much silence from God even when I tried going to Him. I felt that maybe God did not care... So I stopped reaching out to God. I quite literally stiff armed God and kept Him at a very far distance. I went down a road of sin and just did not want to do anything with a God that felt silent. After months of not going to church, I went back... But did not really pay attention. I just went and put a thick mask on.  The last few weeks, I have realized that I was missing something. My life just did not feel right continually pushing God out of my life. I was having this longing heart to cling to my Father in Heaven, however I felt very lost and confused. I started asking some close friends questions about recommitting to God. And I expressed to them why I was scared and that I wanted God, but felt scared because of some doubting....

The last few days I had somethings happen that made me remember the hurt that I experienced from other people. I thought that I had moved on from the people that hurt me really bad the last few years... But then the last couple of days, I have been reminded that I am still not over the hurt. It has been very painful to remember the relatives that I have been hurt by and the friendships that I have been hurt by. It is hard when people spread rumors about you to other friends... It is hard when people do not care how others treat you... It is hard to live day to day with these people's voices in my head. I know that I should not let them control me, because they really do not know the real me. But it is for sure a hard thing to deal with and move on from. A few things that I have learned through this process is: 1. Even if someone is your relative, that does not mean that they will for sure be there for you and stick up for you. They may not care to realize that you are hurting. ...