Worry, Stress, Anxiety, and Depression
Right now I would like to talk about depression, anxiety, stress, and worry a little bit. In my blog posts, I love being honest and real with people that are reading my posts. I don't want to act like a fake person who is perfect... Because we all know that Jesus is the only one who is actually perfect. With that said, I am far from perfect... So if you are reading my blog posts and expecting someone who is perfect and has her life together, you may want to stop reading my blog posts. Because I will tell you this, I am a sinner in need of a Savior just as much as everyone else. I am a failure and fail on a day to day basis, but I can't let that stop me. I need to keep going throughout my life and lean on my Savior for help, comfort, and peace. Daily, I am trying to be more and more like Him, so all I can do is keep striving towards that goal... And when I mess up, I got to get back up again and try again.
Anyways, with that all said, as you all know... I have struggled with anxiety for seven years. As long as I can remember I have always been a worrier and someone who stresses out all the time. And just the last two years, I have struggled with depression.
Anxiety has definitely been a hard thing to go through. I started with it when I was taking classes outside of the house and it just built from there. My anxiety got so bad throughout high school that I physically got sick weekly. I would end up throwing up, shaking, getting stomachaches, and so many more symptoms. Honestly it was miserable anytime I would get these anxiety attacks. My parents took me from doctor to doctor, from diet to diet... They did so much... Honestly, things started helping. I got counseling and that helped tremendously. I learned that my anxiety stemmed from a lot of my worrying and stress. My anxiety is a lot more controlled today than it has been in the last seven years... But I do still deal with it occasionally, just not as often. But I have learned to lean on my Savior and to trust Him with my life.
Depression I started going through two years ago when I found out a lot about some close people whom I love dearly going through a hard road. The anxiety, worry, and stress I had turned into this depression. I started taking these peoples burdens and put them on myself. It was honestly a dark path I was starting to go down. I closed off my emotions and became really bitter towards everyone that was close to me, because I was hurting for this person. I became nasty towards my brothers and parents and I didn't want anything to do with my family. I was very disrespectful towards my parents and just wanted to do things my own way. It was super unhealthy.
My parents realized that I was going through a hard time, so that got me Biblical counseling. For awhile, I didn't really even want to open up to my counselor, but then I realized I should share some things with my counselor. I was taking matters into my own and hands and hurting myself because I couldn't handle the pain in my heart anymore. The Lord showed me that I couldn't do it alone.... I needed to let Christ be there for me. I needed my counselor to help me through what I was going through and I needed my brothers and parents.
In such a short amount of time, the Lord really helped me... He helped me to get out of the darkness that I was in.
To this day, I still struggle with anxiety and depression. But it isn't as bad as it used to be. The Lord has helped me control it better. He has helped me to run to Him with my burdens, anxieties, and the things that make me sad or burden me.
To be quite honest though, even though my anxiety and depression get really tiring at times and I just want to be done struggling with that stuff... Honestly, I wouldn't trade my anxiety or depression for the world. Because I believe that God has grown me so much spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. God has grown me in my relationships with people, He has brought me so close to people in my life through this and He has helped me to better communicate my emotions.
Lately, I have had doubts... I was thinking, oh I am not loved, I am alone, I am unworthy, etc. But to be honest, the Lord really has showed me the last few days that even though I feel that way... It is so NOT true. The truth is: I am not alone, I am loved, and I am worthy.
The Lord has helped me remember this the last few weeks. He has brought amazing parents, brothers, close friends, mentors, birth uncles, and birth grandparents here for me. They have all been a huge reminder and have reminded me countless times of how much I am loved and cared for by them and God and others. I honestly, can't imagine life without them all.
Thank you Lord so much for allowing me to go through these things so I can learn and grow closer to You!
Anyways, with that all said, as you all know... I have struggled with anxiety for seven years. As long as I can remember I have always been a worrier and someone who stresses out all the time. And just the last two years, I have struggled with depression.
Anxiety has definitely been a hard thing to go through. I started with it when I was taking classes outside of the house and it just built from there. My anxiety got so bad throughout high school that I physically got sick weekly. I would end up throwing up, shaking, getting stomachaches, and so many more symptoms. Honestly it was miserable anytime I would get these anxiety attacks. My parents took me from doctor to doctor, from diet to diet... They did so much... Honestly, things started helping. I got counseling and that helped tremendously. I learned that my anxiety stemmed from a lot of my worrying and stress. My anxiety is a lot more controlled today than it has been in the last seven years... But I do still deal with it occasionally, just not as often. But I have learned to lean on my Savior and to trust Him with my life.
Depression I started going through two years ago when I found out a lot about some close people whom I love dearly going through a hard road. The anxiety, worry, and stress I had turned into this depression. I started taking these peoples burdens and put them on myself. It was honestly a dark path I was starting to go down. I closed off my emotions and became really bitter towards everyone that was close to me, because I was hurting for this person. I became nasty towards my brothers and parents and I didn't want anything to do with my family. I was very disrespectful towards my parents and just wanted to do things my own way. It was super unhealthy.
My parents realized that I was going through a hard time, so that got me Biblical counseling. For awhile, I didn't really even want to open up to my counselor, but then I realized I should share some things with my counselor. I was taking matters into my own and hands and hurting myself because I couldn't handle the pain in my heart anymore. The Lord showed me that I couldn't do it alone.... I needed to let Christ be there for me. I needed my counselor to help me through what I was going through and I needed my brothers and parents.
In such a short amount of time, the Lord really helped me... He helped me to get out of the darkness that I was in.
To this day, I still struggle with anxiety and depression. But it isn't as bad as it used to be. The Lord has helped me control it better. He has helped me to run to Him with my burdens, anxieties, and the things that make me sad or burden me.
To be quite honest though, even though my anxiety and depression get really tiring at times and I just want to be done struggling with that stuff... Honestly, I wouldn't trade my anxiety or depression for the world. Because I believe that God has grown me so much spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. God has grown me in my relationships with people, He has brought me so close to people in my life through this and He has helped me to better communicate my emotions.
Lately, I have had doubts... I was thinking, oh I am not loved, I am alone, I am unworthy, etc. But to be honest, the Lord really has showed me the last few days that even though I feel that way... It is so NOT true. The truth is: I am not alone, I am loved, and I am worthy.
The Lord has helped me remember this the last few weeks. He has brought amazing parents, brothers, close friends, mentors, birth uncles, and birth grandparents here for me. They have all been a huge reminder and have reminded me countless times of how much I am loved and cared for by them and God and others. I honestly, can't imagine life without them all.
Thank you Lord so much for allowing me to go through these things so I can learn and grow closer to You!
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